


sugar in a plum

by suspendrs



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, M/M, and it hates harry, but it's just a silly lil thing, i don't think this necessarily counts as a crack fic, i have no idea what to tag it, that's all, they get a kitten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 09:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suspendrs/pseuds/suspendrs
Summary: “I’m your dad,” Harry says softly, extending his hand to Plum for her to have a sniff. Plum considers for a moment, looks up at Louis, and then bites Harry’s finger.“Ow!” Harry shrieks, pulling his hand away quickly. He’s not bleeding, but Plum’s teeth are incredibly sharp, he feels like he’s been stabbed with ten tiny needles. “Jesus, Lou, I thought we were getting a cat, not a demon.”Or, Harry's new kitten is out to ruin his life.





	sugar in a plum

**Author's Note:**

> \--DO NOT REPOST--
> 
> so the other day i got a snapchat from my cousin, who got a kitten while her boyfriend was away on tour for a couple months. her boyfriend came home and met the cat for the first time, and the cat absolutely Hates him, and refuses to warm up to him, which i think is the funniest thing i've literally ever heard so, in true liv fashion, i turned it into a fic. thanks for laughing with me.
> 
> shouts out to charlie for naming the cat in this fic. shouts out to my cousin's irl cat for being a lil shit and inspiring this.

It’s been months since Harry has seen England, but the second his plane touches down, it’s like he never even left. The flight from LA to London is miserable and awful and excruciating but Harry isn’t even bothered, because he’s about to go home to Louis for the first time in what feels like decades, and he’s so happy about it he could cry.

Admittedly, it’s not just Louis he’s excited to see. There’s a certain little someone that Louis picked up from the breeder while he was gone, and he’s dying to meet her.

Harry’s been asking for a kitten for years, but they’re both so busy, and then Louis went and got a dog, and the kitten plan went out the window for a little while. Ever since they got Clifford, though, Harry’s been aching for a pet of his own, and now that he’s done with his tour, he has all the time in the world to spend with the sweet little girl Louis so graciously picked up for him after Harry found her online. Louis’s been sending pictures every day since he brought her home, and she’s so cute Harry could cry, he absolutely cannot wait to meet her.

He gets picked up from the airport in a sleek black SUV, and there’s a bit of rush hour traffic on the way back to his and Louis’s house, but he’s home within the hour. The driver helps him carry his luggage up to the door and then Harry lets himself inside, dragging his bags in behind him.

“Welcome home!” Louis shouts, scaring Harry nearly out of his skin. Harry looks up just in time for Louis to crash into him, hugging him tight. “I missed you so much,” Louis says, speaking directly into his neck.

“Hi,” Harry breathes, holding Louis close and letting the door swing shut behind him. “God, I missed you too.”

“How was tour?” Louis asks, but he still hasn’t pulled away, and Harry is absolutely not going to be the first to let go, so he mumbles his answer into Louis’s shoulder.

“Tour was good,” he says, pressing his nose into Louis’s jumper to get a whiff of that familiar scent he’s missed so much. “I really-”

He cuts off with a yelp, a sharp, piercing pain in his ankle startling him right out of Louis’s arms. He jumps back quickly, looking down at his attacker, finding the tiny, adorable thing that Louis’s been sending him pictures of for weeks staring up at him. She’s the smallest thing Harry’s ever seen, a little Persian kitten, only a couple months old, and Harry’s been in love with her since the first time he saw a picture of her.

“Oh,” Harry grins, squatting to look at the kitten. “Hello, Plum.”

The kitten darts behind Louis, peeking out at him from around Louis’s ankle. Harry pouts, looking up at Louis.

“It’s because she doesn’t know you yet,” Louis says, reaching down to carefully pick up the kitten. She’s so little, only a bit bigger than Louis’s hand, and he cradles her to his chest carefully. “Plum, say hi to your dad.”

Harry stands up, heart already bursting at the sight of Louis, his beautiful, tiny, sweet creature, holding an even more beautiful, tinier, sweeter creature.

“I’m your dad,” Harry says softly, extending his hand to Plum for her to have a sniff. Plum considers for a moment, looks up at Louis, and then bites Harry’s finger.

“Ow!” Harry shrieks, pulling his hand away quickly. He’s not bleeding, but Plum’s teeth are incredibly sharp, he feels like he’s been stabbed with ten tiny needles. “Jesus, Lou, I thought we were getting a cat, not a demon.”

“I swear she’s been a perfect angel this whole time!” Louis says, frowning down at Plum. “She’s probably just protecting me, she has no idea who you are.”

“Listen here, cat,” Harry says, wagging his finger at Plum disapprovingly. Her eyes track his every movement, and Harry makes sure to stay far enough away that Plum can’t bite him again. “This is my house, that’s my boyfriend, and _I’m_ the one who picked you out in the first place, so you better lighten up, missy.”

Plum just blinks at him and then hisses, and Louis can’t stifle his laughter.

“Just ignore her,” Louis says, turning around and putting Plum down to scamper off. “Go unpack, spread your scent around. She’ll get used to you.”

“Alright,” Harry says, unconvinced. “Will you order some dinner? I’m starving,” he says.

“Of course, love,” Louis says, leaning in to kiss Harry’s cheek. “Go on.”

Louis turns away and disappears into the kitchen to order dinner, and Harry takes a moment to sneak out the back door to say hello to Clifford, who is lazing about in the garden. At least if the cat never learns to love him, Clifford will always be there to flop over and let Harry rub his tummy, the beautiful, loyal dog he is.

When he heads back inside, Harry grabs his suitcase and lugs it up the stairs, heading to the bedroom to start unpacking. There’s a cat bed in the corner and a bunch of toys spread around the room that weren’t here before, and it kind of warms his heart, even if Plum might actually be a demon in a tiny, adorable body. He heaves his suitcase up onto the bed and opens it up, starting the process of putting away whatever’s clean and tossing everything else into the hamper. 

He works for about twenty minutes before he spots a pair of big, blue eyes watching him from the doorway, and he realizes that Plum is stalking him, tracking his every movement. Harry pays her no mind, asserting his dominance by ignoring her, and finishes putting away all of the clothes from his suitcase. Plum watches him the entire time, which probably should be adorable, but Harry’s convinced she’s plotting his death.

Eventually, Louis calls from downstairs to tell him that dinner’s arrived, so Harry abandons the last few things he needs to put away and heads downstairs. Plum scampers on ahead of him, racing him down the stairs and into the living room, where Louis’s unloading takeaway boxes onto the coffee table.

“I got Chinese, because I wanted Chinese,” Louis says, picking up Plum to let her sit in his lap when she paws at his leg.

“Chinese is good,” Harry says, sitting down on the sofa beside Louis.

Plum stands up quickly, hissing as soon as Harry’s arse makes contact with the sofa. Harry jumps, standing up quickly, and Louis rolls his eyes. 

“Babe, she’s a kitten,” Louis chuckles, scratching behind Plum’s ear until she settles down again. “Sit the fuck down, she’s not going to hurt you.”

Harry’s not convinced, but he goes to sit down again anyway, keeping an eye on Plum. She hisses again as soon as he sits, lunging at him and successfully startling him right off the sofa again.

“What the fuck!” Harry whines, pouting at Louis. “Stop laughing!”

Louis’s laughing so hard he’s squeaking a little, reaching down to pet Plum’s head when she settles back down on his lap. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Louis says, but he’s still bloody laughing. Harry’s going to break up with him. “It’s just a bit funny, watching a grown man be bossed around by a tiny kitten.”

“Fuck you,” Harry mutters, rounding the coffee table to sit down on the floor facing the sofa. “Happy now?” he asks sarcastically, sticking his tongue out at Plum.

“This is ridiculous,” Louis giggles, picking up his box of lo mein and digging in, Plum curling up in his lap. “So, tell me all about tour.”

Harry tells him everything, his annoyance at being forced to sit on the floor in his own home slowly fading away. Plum keeps an eye on him the whole time, and Harry watches her back, but she doesn’t seem to have a problem with Harry eating his dinner and having a conversation with his boyfriend, so he supposes they’re good for now. She falls asleep eventually, but Harry still doesn’t trust her, because she snaps awake the second Harry stands up to throw away their takeaway boxes.

“I’m gonna go have a shower,” Harry says, glaring at Plum as Louis picks her up and lets her cuddle into his chest. It should be the sweetest thing he’s ever seen, but instead he just feels betrayed that this tiny demon has apparently won Louis over so easily. “I smell like airplane.”

“Okay,” Louis says distractedly, too busy watching Plum’s eyes drift closed as he scratches gently behind her ear. Harry rolls his eyes and sets off up the stairs, putting away the last few things from his suitcase and then stowing the suitcase away in the back of the closet before he heads to the ensuite to get in the shower.

He takes his time, scrubbing away the gross feeling he always gets after a long flight, letting the hot water soothe his tired body. He really is exhausted after the tour, even though it’s been a few days since the final show. He never sleeps quite right when Louis isn’t around, he’s realized, and he’s incredibly excited to finally be able to fall asleep next to him tonight for the first time in what feels like forever.

He goes back to the bedroom when he gets out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist and his hair still damp and curling in his face. He finds Louis lounging on the bed in only his underwear as soon as he steps out of the ensuite, and he’s immediately interested, until he spots the tiny ball of gray fluff beside Louis’s hip.

“Come here,” Louis says, reaching for him. “I wanna show you how much I missed you.”

“Can you shoo her?” Harry asks, eyes stuck on Plum. She looks innocent enough, curled up in a ball on top of the duvet, but Harry doesn’t trust her at all.

“Don’t be silly, she’s a cat, she doesn’t know what’s going on,” Louis says, sitting up and making grabby hands at Harry again. “Come over here, weirdo.”

Harry shuffles over slowly, tightening the towel around his waist before he sits down on the edge of the bed, facing Louis. Plum perks up immediately, watching him over the curve of Louis’s knee cap, and Harry watches her nervously.

“Ignore her,” Louis breathes, reaching out to drag Harry closer. Harry manages to look away from Plum just as Louis finally kisses him, but it only lasts a moment before Plum lunges at him, clamping down at his wrist where his hand is planted on the bed.

Harry yelps and pulls away, standing up quickly. “See! She hates me!” Harry says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No she doesn’t,” Louis chuckles, shaking his head. “She just needs to get used to you.”

Harry kind of feels like crying, turning away from Louis just to be as petulant as he thinks he deserves to be.

“Let’s try this, then,” Louis says, standing up and turning Harry back around, pressing himself right up against Harry’s chest. He smiles and then kisses him again, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck so Harry’s arms naturally settle low on his waist.

It goes alright for a moment, until Plum realizes what’s happening right before her very eyes. She starts meowing incessantly, pacing back and forth along the edge of the bed, desperate for Louis’s attention. Louis doesn’t seem to even notice her, curling his hand in the back of Harry’s hair and kissing him a little deeper, but Harry literally cannot ignore the constant, monotonous meowing, so he pulls away after a couple of seconds.

Louis sighs, rolling his eyes when Harry peeks over his shoulder at Plum. The kitten hisses at him, so Harry hisses back, and Louis snorts a laugh.

“Stop it,” he says, shifting so his back is to the bed, his body blocking Plum from Harry’s sight. He leans in to kiss him again, and Harry does his absolute best to go with it, using his grip on Louis’s waist to pull him a little closer.

Plum doesn’t make a peep for a few seconds, so Harry gets brave, slides his hands down to Louis’s arse and squeezes a little. Louis moans into his mouth, pressing back into his hands, but Plum doesn’t seem keen on the movement, swatting at the back of Harry’s hand with her claws and leaving four long, deep scratches on his skin.

Harry yelps in pain, leaping away from Louis and hugging his hand to his chest. He’s bleeding, not a lot, but the goddamn cat actually _drew blood_ , and he’s too shocked to do anything but look at Louis helplessly.

“Plum!” Louis scolds, reaching for Harry’s hand to get a better look and then turning around to glare at the cat. “Bad girl, Plum!”

Plum just flops over sideways, belly exposed for Louis to pet. Louis tries valiantly, but he’s ultimately too weak to resist her, sitting down on the edge of the bed to scratch her tummy lovingly.

“Louis!” Harry whines, pouting. “You’re fraternizing with the enemy!”

“Shut up,” Louis says, rolling his eyes at Harry. “She’s not ‘the enemy’, Harry, she’s a six month old cat that _you_ wanted in the first place.”

Harry huffs, turning his pout on Plum. She blinks, entirely unaffected, and rage boils in Harry’s stomach.

He drops to his knees, crawling closer to the bed so that he’s face to face with Plum. She straightens up to look at him head on, blinking at him again, and Harry puts on his sweetest facade.

“Hi, Plum,” he says, voice soft. “If it’s alright with you, I’d really like to have sex with my boyfriend right now. I love him a lot, and I haven’t seen him in a very long time,” he says.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” Louis says, rolling his eyes yet again as he scoops Plum up off the bed and puts her out in the hallway, closing the door before she can run back in. “Better?”

“Yes,” Harry says, getting up off his knees to go crowd Louis against the door. “Much better,” he says, lacing his fingers with Louis’s and pinning his hands back against the door as he kisses him, slowly letting the weight of his body press Louis’s into the door.

Louis whines high in his throat and shifts so that his legs slot with Harry’s, crotch pressed against Harry’s thigh. Harry grinds against him, makes Louis moan again, marveling the fact that he finally gets to hear the sound in person instead of through a shitty iPhone speaker.

It doesn’t last long, of course, because the second Plum hears Louis whining, she starts scratching at the door, starting up another chorus of incessant, droning meowing. Harry does his best to ignore it, and he thinks he does a pretty good job, until he realizes that the reason Louis’s breath keeps hitching like that is because he’s laughing, not because Harry’s about to make him come.

“Christ,” Harry mutters, breaking away from Louis’s mouth and dropping his head into the crook of Louis’s neck. “This is the worst day of my life.”

“Bit dramatic, love,” Louis says, wriggling his hips where Harry’s still got him pressed against the door. “Why don’t we turn on some music, yeah?”

Harry nods, letting Louis free so he can go grab his phone from where he left it in the ensuite. He comes back to find Louis spread out on the bed again, hard in his pants this time, so Harry wastes no time putting his sex playlist on full volume before climbing up on top of him on the bed.

It works for a while, but Louis still can’t stop laughing, and no matter how hard Harry tries, he can’t ignore the sound of Plum scratching at the door like she can carve her way through it. Eventually Harry just lets himself laugh as well, giving up on trying to be sexy and just flopping down on top of Louis, instead, content to just cuddle for a while.

Louis seems alright with the change of plans, tracing his fingers up and down Harry’s spine for a little while, making Harry shiver. Harry’s a bit cold, his hair still damp and his towel long lost, but he thinks he could stay like this forever, if not for the tiny demon still clawing and meowing at the door.

“This feels mean,” Louis says after a while, looking down at Harry. “Can I please let her in?”

“Fine,” Harry sighs, rolling off of Louis to let him get up. Louis pulls on a pair of trackies and then opens the door, picking Plum up and bringing her back to the bed.

Harry scrambles under the covers to protect all his vulnerable skin, pulling the duvet right up to his chin before Louis puts Plum down at the foot of the bed and climbs in beside him.

Plum looks scandalized as Louis curls up next to Harry, his head on Harry’s chest. “See, Plum, look,” Louis says, reaching up to stroke Harry’s cheek gently. “He’s good, see? I love him.”

Harry resists the urge to stick his tongue out at Plum, watching her intensely as she slowly moves up the bed, climbing right up on top of Harry’s chest and peering down at him. 

She blinks at him, cocking her head a little, like she’s considering calling a truce, and just when Harry thinks that maybe they’re good, Plum lunges and bites him square on the nose.

Harry screams, pushing her away, and Louis scoops her up as Harry flops right out of the bed. 

“Why!” he shouts, glaring at Plum and checking to see if she’s made him bleed again. “Why does she hate me?”

Louis is trying very hard not to laugh, but he’s doing a terrible job, pressing his face into Plum’s fur to hide the way he’s giggling. Harry feels like he’s actually going to cry, or maybe just implode, so he turns on his heel to march out of the room, heading right down to the living room.

He finds Clifford curled up in his bed in the corner, beckoning him over as he sits down on the sofa. “You still love me, right Cliff?” he coos, patting his lap so Clifford will climb right up on the couch and cuddle him. Clifford flops down right in his lap , so Harry shifts to lie down, letting Clifford curl up on top of him.

Harry spends a little while flipping through the channels on TV, idly scratching Clifford’s head where he’s snoozing on his chest. Louis comes downstairs eventually, holding Plum, and stands in front of the TV to gain Harry’s attention.

“We have had a very stern talk,” Louis says, looking at Plum as if asking her to confirm, “and Plum has decided she’s ready to try again, if you are.”

Harry sighs, sitting up and nudging Clifford off of him so that he can straighten out, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “I guess,” he says, keeping his eyes trained on Plum as Louis walks over to the sofa. Louis puts her down on the floor and then curls up beside Harry, cuddling right into his side, both of them waiting to see how Plum will react. 

She looks confused, studying Louis closely. She seems to determine that Louis looks happy, safe, not in need of immediate protection, but she still demands to be picked up, anyway, so Louis reaches down to scoop her up and let her sit in his lap.

Harry thinks he gets why she’s so stubborn, and he appreciates her dedication. He, too, would like to bite every random stranger that gets too close to Louis, would love to be able to protect him from any and everything, but Harry realized a long time ago that he’s just a defenseless, useless little creature in the grand scheme of things, and Plum needs to learn that sooner or later, too. 

Nevertheless, Harry’s nervous, because he’d really prefer not to be bitten again tonight, and Plum is still looking at him like he’s thick, since she’s made it abundantly clear tonight that all she wants in the world is for Harry to stay the hell away from Louis. She carefully crosses from Louis’s lap into Harry’s, inspecting him carefully, climbing right up onto his chest again to stare into his eyes as if questioning his motives.

Harry holds his breath, giving Plum a tiny smile, and finally, Plum leans forward to give Harry tiny lick on the nose, right over her own teeth marks. She gets down after that, curling up in Louis’s lap again, and Harry beams.

“She gave me a kiss!” Harry says, so excited he’s close to tears, reaching out to give Plum a gentle scratch on the back of her neck. He’s pushed his luck, apparently, because Plum snaps and turns around to bite at him, and Harry pulls his hand back quickly.

“Baby steps, love, baby steps,” Louis chuckles, nuzzling into Harry’s side and petting Plum sweetly. 

Later that night, when they finally head up to bed, Louis brings Plum right into the bed with them. Clifford curls up at the foot of the bed just like he does every night, but Plum just sits daintily on Louis’s pillow while she waits for everyone to get situation, and Harry gives Louis a look.

“She’s been sleeping with me every night,” Louis says, wincing apologetically. “If we kick her out now, she really will hate you.”

“Fine,” Harry says, climbing under the covers and getting settled. “But if she bites me again in the middle of the night, you _and_ her are sleeping on the sofa.”

“Deal,” Louis says, pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of Harry’s sore nose and then laying down beside him.

Harry is the little spoon, as always, so as he curls up on his side with his back to Louis. Louis curls seamlessly around him, his arm hooked over Harry’s hip and their legs tangled together. It’s peaceful for a while, but Harry can hear Plum shuffling around somewhere behind him, and he’s just waiting to have his ear bitten off, or something.

Finally Plum climbs right up and over his hip, jumping down on the mattress in front of him and meandering up to his face, looking at him confusedly. Harry thinks that if she could talk, she’d say, _uh, he usually cuddles me, who do you think you are?_

“I’m his boyfriend,” Harry whispers, sticking his tongue out at her. “Get used to it.”

“Harry,” Louis says from behind him. Harry can’t see him, but he can practically hear him rolling his eyes. He’s going to lose his vision if he doesn’t stop rolling his eyes so much. “She’s a cat, babe.”

“Tell her to stop acting like a jealous bitch, then,” Harry says, not taking his eyes off of Plum.

“You’re ridiculous,” Louis laughs, pressing his face into the back of Harry’s neck. “Go to sleep.”

Harry sighs and gets comfy, closing his eyes and trying to drift off to sleep. He can still feel Plum staring at him, even as Louis’s breath evens out again his spine, and Harry’s expecting to be attacked again.

After an unsettlingly long time, Plum starts moving around again, so Harry peeks one eye open to watch her. She does a few circles, like a dog getting ready to settle in, and then nuzzles her way under Harry’s arm to curl up against his chest. Harry freezes, holding his breath, but Plum looks perfectly cozy snuggled up against him, and she doesn’t seem to mind when Harry starts breathing again.

“Louis,” Harry whispers, staring wide eyed at Plum. “Louis, look!”

Louis is fast asleep, clearly, if his lack of response is anything to go by. Harry shakes his head, smiling fondly at Plum when she picks her head up to look up at him.

“You little shit,” he says, grinning when she blinks at him. “You’re only going to be nice to me when he’s not around to see it, huh?”

Plum yawns, and if Harry didn’t know any better, he’d swear she gives him a cheeky little smile before she snuggles back into his chest and promptly falls asleep.

Well, Harry thinks, this is his life now, dropping a tiny kiss to the top of Plum’s head and grinning when she doesn’t retaliate. Maybe tomorrow she’ll be a little less hostile, but until then, Harry can live with this, snuggled up in bed with his tiny, perfect little family.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> if you liked the fic, you can reblog it [here](http://suspendrs.tumblr.com/post/176214638123/sugar-in-a-plum-by-suspendrs-4k-im-your-dad)
> 
>  
> 
> [faq](http://suspendrs-fics.tumblr.com/faq)


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